I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
