You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize