thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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