Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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