I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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