so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
