Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
