shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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