A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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