i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This is not my ceiling
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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