I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
