i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
