Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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