where am i from again
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
