Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
