....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
