You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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