My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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