Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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