We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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