Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
