What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
