Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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