mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
