Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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