i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
