That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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