I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
