you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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