Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My vagina just recognized that song.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
