She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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