Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How does one acquire holy water?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
