Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
