He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
