Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
