So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
