dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
