I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
