Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
