ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We need a shit load of segways right now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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