Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
