I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
