And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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