sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
