Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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