Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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