where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize