She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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