Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
