drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
