Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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