i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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