my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
