My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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