apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
