youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
