everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
