found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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