Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's official drugs can't kill me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
