thus making me awesome and them whores
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
