unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
