it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
