Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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