Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
