I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you had me at cake vodka
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
