Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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