Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
